I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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