SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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