somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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