I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
