I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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