before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
