My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
