FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
