this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
