just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
