i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
