I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
