I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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