i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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