So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
