walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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