literally had 100 drinks last night.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
