brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
