When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
