Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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