Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
