how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
