Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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