I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
