Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
