I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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