i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
