Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
