i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
