I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
