i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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