listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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