I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
