Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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