i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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