he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
