What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
