it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
