Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
