Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
