So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
