I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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