I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
