Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
