I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
