My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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