I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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