I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
