absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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