I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
