I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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