uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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