fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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